A must read:
Little Aditya, was in tears. He is an 8 year old boy. His Mom was shouting at him, as he has not completed his math homework, even after an hour. Aditya's parents are Ruchi, and Rishi. Both are working in MNC's. Ruchi took a career break of 5 years, to take care of Aditya. Now, she had joined her office again from a junior level, whereas all her friends have moved to the senior level.
When Rishi, entered the home, Aditya was in tears, Ruchi was shouting at him. “What is 8 * 6, Adi, come on, I taught you tables twice yesterday, still you are unable to remember. What am I supposed to do? You remember all cartoon stories, but not one simple tables”.
Aditya tried to remember a lot, he couldn't remember anything, and he thought it may be 48, but he was scared to tell his mom, what if it is wrong, she will get upset. He thought to himself, “Mom, I will Improve”.
He didn’t know how. He wanted to, he wanted to see his mother happy.
When, he was in the younger classes, He used to win, many prizes in different competitions. He and his mother were very happy. As he grew up, suddenly he felt he was pushed in a complex world, he couldn't grasp many things, and his fellow students could do.
He went to meet doctors and counselors, his mother thought he was sick. He was not sure whether he was sick or not. May be he has a poor memory like his mom and teachers say. He was not able to make a decision. Tonight, his father has come early from the office.
He was happy. He will rescue him.
Soon as his father, freshened up, he gave a hug to Aditya. To Aadi’s relief, he said with a huge smile, “Go and play”. He was happy, but he looked at his mother with wide eyes, and said slowly,” Dad, I didn’t complete my homework!” His father, replied, “I will do it, don’t worry.” Aadi, again gave a bear hug and ran outside to play with his friends. Ruchi was upset. She retorted angrily,”Will you go and write his exams too?”
After Aditya left, Rishi, hugged Ruchi, “Why are you so tensed dear. He will pick up, don't worry”. Ruchi was upset,” Do you think you love him more than, me, what is the point you want to prove? You never attend the Parent Teachers Meeting, I have to listen from teachers, and I need to face the other parents. You just don't need to face anything”.
Rishi kept quiet, “Ruchi, do you think, by shouting at him, things would improve. You thought, he may have some learning disabilities, but the psychologist proved there is nothing like that. All children are not same”.Ruchi replied back, “
But I am spending so much time with him. I am always teaching him, each and everything, still what do you expect me to do?”
Rishi, smiled and said,” I expect you, not to expect anything from him. Don’t expect him to learn things faster, don’t expect him to be like you.”
Ruchi retorted back angrily,” I am not expecting him to get first prize in everything like me, but at least he shouldn’t be so dull. Now he is 3 rd std and he is not sure about 5*5=25, how his life will be. All his friends, will reach a good position in life, what his life will become? I am so scared. Rishi, I put in so much hardwork on him, still why he is not getting marks?”
Rishi kept quiet. Ruchi, always wanted the best. She was always best in whatever she did, the fact she didn't understand is Aadi is the best child. He is very friendly with everyone, always tries to help others.
He was hoping, Ruchi will find her answer soon.
After few days,his paternal aunt, Durga Bua, came to visit them. Her son has settled in US. She occasionally visits India,to visit her relatives.
After many years, she has come to visit them. Ruchi loves Durga Bua, everyone loves her for her soft words and naïve nature. She was playing with Aadi and commented to Ruchi, “Aadi is a very good boy”. For which Ruchi, replied in a dull voice.” Hmmmm”.she sensed something wrong, but didn’t ask anything.
After Aadi left, she asked, “what happened Ruchi?”.
Ruchi shared her worries with her aunt. She listened everything carefully. She went to the small garden which Ruchi maintains in her balcony, and said,” I observe you have a beautiful garden. How do you maintain them? Ruchi replied happily,” I take personal care,bua”.
Her aunt said, “Why is this aloe Vera plant, shorter than others, is it a new plant, or you are not watering them properly?” Ruchi whispered, “No, aunt, I have planted it a year back. I take care of them properly, few plants grow faster and few takes time”.
Then, aunt asked, “What do you do then? Do you tell the shorter plant, daily, grow up, look at the other plants, otherwise your life would be of no use or you nurture them slowly that it takes time in growing and you still love them”.
Ruchi felt something snap in her. She looked at her aunt, with tears in her eyes.
Durga Bua, said,” There are 7 types of learning skills for a child, few learn by looking, few by hearing, few by explaining, few understand things by doing activities, and few learn by practically doing the same things again and again.
A mother or teacher should try to teach a child, all the 7 methods, and then understand the child’s best learning language and teach accordingly. You can’t think. Your child is dull. Each and every child is unique and special.
Can’t you see Aadi is trying everything to make you happy? He loves you so much. If you nurture him now, it is good for both of you. If he accepts, he is dull and turns to be a loser, what will you do?”
Ruchi shuddered by the thought,” Understand your child and help him to understand things. I know you are very busy and Rishi doesn’t help you.
Still I am sure, once you are clear and support, Aadi, Rishi will try his level best to help you. Just try. It is always too soon to quit with your child.”
*De-briefing of this story*
Accept the fact that even though they are your children, they just share 50% of your DNA. So they are 50% different than you.
Nature them as they are and not as you want. Being a good parent is not just about producing result but producing result as per your child's strength.
